Clint Eastwood made a film called ‘In the Line of Fire’ about an aging secret service agent called Horrigan who is racked with guilt because he failed to prevent the assassination of John F Kennedy in Dallas in 1963. Now near the end of his career, Horrigan foils an assassination attempt by an embittered former CIA agent to kill the current incumbent, by doing all the kind of stuff that Clint Eastwood characters do.
The secret service agents routinely ran along next to the presidential limo in suits, which always looked pretty impractical to me. But, if you want to show that you will take a bullet for your Commander in Chief, running alongside his car is likely to give you the chance to prove it. In saying this I do not intend in any way to denigrate the agents who bravely carry out these tasks – hats off to them all.
Now there is a new hazard that threatens those who closely serve the President of the United States. If you are near to POTUS when the time comes, you may have to demonstrate your devotion in a way that could make a bullet the more attractive option.
I did not know this until recently, but apparently The Great Man regularly loses control of his bowels. This means that the danger is faced by anyone who happens to be near to him in what I am going to call The Danger Zone. In the video the chief victim is the appalled blonde woman in green who is nearest the presidential bottom. As you can see, a well-rehearsed routine is activated within seconds, with staffers rushing around and shooing out the press corps and visitors on the pretence that the old fool is pressed by some great matter of state, rather than having to be lifted out of the puddle of poop in his office chair.
About a really great man who had served his country bravely and wisely and steered it through a war or some great tribulation, this would be a sad story. Physical infirmity comes to many of us in old age and when it’s the bumhole that gives up the ghost, it makes it all the harder to deal with, for family or those in close support.
Fortunately, we are not talking about a great man. We are talking about Donald Trump, who dodged military service but still felt able to mock as ‘a loser’ John McCain who, shot down over North Vietnam and brutalised by his captors, bravely stayed on in captivity until his enlisted fellow prisoners had been repatriated. Who has by his arrogance and idiocy as president steered his country into more tribulation than has faced it for decades. So, I feel no need to be the better man and will indulge in every butt and poop reference that I can think of.
It is a further mark of the man that, faced with what seems to be a fairly regular occurrence of the need to shit himself in company, he still refuses to relinquish his great office. A great man would have considered the effect upon those who serve him of having to lever his immense bottom out of the power chair and take him somewhere for other unfortunates to hose down the presidential arsehole and clean him up.
I mean, it’s bad enough that he shits metaphorically on the rest of the world, his country and those forced to be in his vicinity. Does he have to do it literally? So no, I am literally laughing my arse off.
I do not know whether constant involuntary defecation is a disabling circumstance that could or should, trigger the 25th amendment of the once great constitution and cause the old nutter to be sacked. I’m sure the authors assumed that anyone thus afflicted would do the right thing and resign. I doubt they ever considered it would have to cope with someone as entitled as Donald John Trump.
I have no sympathy for the squawking ‘staffers’ who have to put up with this, well, shit. If you’re prepared to clean up the actual faeces that spurt onto the furnishings from the rectum of a poltroon like Trump, you have to, er, take your lumps.
But it has been staring us all in the face, all this time. Trump is letting his country poop on the world and is personally defiling The Peoples’ House, with bowel movements in the once hallowed Oval Office. I’m pretty sure no other part of that once beautiful building is spared the spatter. What a paragon he is. But a ghastly metaphor for these times.
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